i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My bed smells like the plague
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
