I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
