I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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