pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
