epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
