dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
