handjob tips. give me some.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
