Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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