And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
