Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
