Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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