I just saw a hot homeless man
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
