Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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