What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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