if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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