im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
is that a dick in a sweater?
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