This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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