Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
