I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
