And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
40s are totally the cure
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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