i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
