and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize