just tell him i said nine months
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
