our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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