No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
