I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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