worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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