I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
God, I missed his penis.
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