I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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