Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
