i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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