Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
