As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize