I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sex in the backyard? Check.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
