I hate your face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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