i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
