Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
