Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
