Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize