Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
