We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
