Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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