I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
