My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
