Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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