so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
