There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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