We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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