Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize