flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
