my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize