dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
