i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
