its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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