last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
