I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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