I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
