Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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