he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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