I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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