whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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