drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
