I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
