At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
