The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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