You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
