wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
