dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
